im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
