I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
