I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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