You can't motorboat a personality
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
