If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
