so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
