Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
