can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wear drunk well.
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