3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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