you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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