How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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