Yo dont text me then not text me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
