The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
