I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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