She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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