This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just blew my weed a kiss
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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