i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
well you can't waste a boner
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
