his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
