i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
