wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
