Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
