im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
