Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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