the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
