I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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