The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
