If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
