I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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