I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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