Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I want a musical about memes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
