Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So vagazzling was a success
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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