you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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