and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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