just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize