i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
