Your tits are I can't wait for
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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