I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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