Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
