I murdered the dance floor call the cops
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
