pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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