Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
