You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
