why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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