There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please, let me fuck your mom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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