Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
