Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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