he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize