I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
