Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
