i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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