i need an iv and a liver transplant
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
