the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
