So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
