Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
