dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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