FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
