Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
