Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
bring money and cleavage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
