batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
