I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
