I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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