break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
