He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
