She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
