turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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