she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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