it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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